Crossing Jordan

Having unshakeable faith is easier said than done. It's always come easy for me to believe for others, but having that same unshakeable, untouchable, unstoppable faith for myself is another story....this is a story of that.
I've been dreaming about my "safe pasture" (Psalm 37:3-4) for so many years, just longing to know what or where that is for me. My life has been a series of failures, victimization, hurt, pain, sorrow, abandonment, confusion and many wonderful things in between. It took me over 30 years to really see that God has always been there, He never left me, He never forsake me and His hand has been upon my life no matter what I did or where I went. My hearts desire has always been to be where there wasn't any of those memories of pain and abandonment, sorrow and failure. The desire of my heart was to be where I fit in, where the peaceful river flowed, where the culture, people, music and Jesus matched my DNA. My family roots are scattered all over the south land and I've always identified myself as a "southern transplant". Through all the years of yearning and being carted around from town to town, state to state and parent to parent, I felt like my "safe pasture" would never come....
Being a military brat my dad retired here in WA over 20 years ago and this is where I married for the first time right out of high school. This is where I planted myself and had all my children. This is the place I've seen people come and go from, including my own family. In 2000 my baby brother left to marry his bride in South Dakota and I no longer had any family here besides the dysfunctional marriage of my own. The year 2003 was a turning point in my life, my marriage fell a part and I ran angrily from God. It was the summer of 2004, my past met my future and faced it quickly with an unexpected twin pregnancy. I ran hard but I learned that I couldn't run far enough. I see this now as God's blessing and mercy, but back then I saw this as nothing but total separation from God and my dreams. I was a broken heart needing a soft place to fall and that's where I found Abundant Life Foursquare Church. This place has served as my House of Refuge, a place where I healed, was delievered, was accepted, was redefined,was blessed, found family, found truth, was redeemed and was raised up into ministry where I was used to speak into broken lives. My life truly is whole and healthy.....
Two years ago my husband comes to me with a dream of living in the south. It's not something that we talked about before this so I was a bit taken back. I can't remember the details of the conversation but I do remember sharing our dreams for the future together and the feeling of hope that God really does have the desires of our heart in the palm of His hand. The first time it came up as more than just a dream conversation was January 2010. This was to be his last year in the Navy and our oldest son was graduating high school and going into the Airforce. Our family was changing, the winds were about to shift. We began making plans and talking about where we would settle and what that all would look like. Matt was talking to Belmont University in Nashville TN as they have an amazing Nursing program there. 3 months later life came down heavy handed and we felt smashed by the news that he would be deployed from May-Dec. It was by far, one of the hardest years of my life that tested my faith and my hope and challenged my dreams. Matt came home early in November and learned he would not be allowed to extend or re-enlist even if he wanted to. This was a blessing in disguise because it has led us to where we are right now. We were blessed by this news that most people would be upset by. It permanently closed a door and forced us to look forward. Our talk of moving to TN came up early Jan of this year when Matt was facing civilian life. I can't describe my feelings exactly other than I knew I wasn't ready. The timing wasn't right in my heart. I remember feeling conflicted over my children's feelings of leaving the only home they've ever known, how my son's father would feel having limited time with him, the financial pieces of course and my own feelings of realizing how comfortable I have become in a place I've been over 20 years. The thoughts of uprooting after all I have been through here just seemed....overwhelming and confusing. Being the man of God my husband is, he patiently waited for my heart and for the timing to be right and for us to agree together. God provided a job immediately after he was discharged and we went on with life as usual. The only unusual part of "life as usual" was that talks of our "someday" kept coming up. For the last several months I have been settling into the books of Joshua and Ruth. In April I got a clear word from the Lord while driving to worship practice about the Jordan River. As written in my journal from that day: "My word doesn't just contain cool stories with extraordinary people doing amazing things for you to just be entertained. My word is a map, a living and breathing guide for you to find direction and for you to continue the work that I have started in you. Go and read Joshua." I was intrigued by how this was speaking to me but had yet to understand what it was leading me to. I wrote on my white board the verse from Joshua that reads "Whatever You have commanded us we will do and wherever you send us we will go." As I write this on the board I hear the song "I will follow" by Chris Tomlin come on the radio. It felt like a coincidence at the time yet the story continues.....
The next day I was asked to sing "I will follow" as a special for Palm Sunday at church. Coincidence? No, this was a divine appointment with a real God who was speaking my love language-music. My ears were attentive to these things He was speaking about and I started to pray about what all this meant. A few evenings after Easter my husband was sitting at the dining room table writing his bio for his new English class. He asked me to come over and listen to it. In the bio he wrote that he dream of someday being a nurse at St. Jude's Children's Hospital in Memphis TN. I was blown away as this wasn't mentioned ever before in our conversations about the future. While being shocked I somehow connected in heart with that dream.
We took an anniversary get-a-way on August 8th for 4 days this year. It was as though the trip was divinely planned in such a way that it allowed for us to not only reflect on our marriage but start talking about the future once again. Tennessee was in full prayer and conversation...on the drive home we agreed to ask a few close friends and mentors to pray with us about what we were feeling and wanting. For the first time I felt united with my husband and completely at peace with what was once just a longing and now I felt ready to make it a reality. 7 days later God answered by saying "step into the Jordan in faith, try me and see. For it is I who has promised and is faithful." We stood into the Puget Sound holding hands and took a picture to remind us of our decision to go forward with a dream. Not only was it a dream and desire for so long, but it now appeared as though it was a calling. A calling that we had no details to but were ready to learn about what it means to have unshakeable faith....
It was like the flood gates of Heaven opened up the moment we stepped into our Jordan. Scripture came screaming off the pages during my quiet time with God each morning, worship songs were like prophetic words being spoken, confirmations of late night conversations with close friends, but above all this came incredible peace and joy.
I've been knee deep into the book of Ruth and have discovered that my life parallels her life in so many ways. It's like God's showing me my future and that the desire's of my heart are about to be fulfilled.
I turned 39 years old just a few days ago and I received a book from a good friend and mentor ironically titled "39 Days of Destiny" by Paul Tsika. I was mesmerized by the title....I opened up to the table of contents and it brought tears to my eyes as it felt like I was reading a timeline that mirrored my life. This book was about circumstances and choices and uses the book of Ruth to show that the choices we make eventually make us, and that though we may fail miserably, even our failures can be forward and crown us with success. I learned that the book of Ruth is the 8th book in the Bible-which is the number of New Beginnings. Oh how I like that.....

EAT, PRAY, DIE

All this talk about that prediction of the Rapture happening this weekend got me thinking about some things. For the record, I do not buy into this prediction in the slightest because I stand firm on what the Word of God says about this in Matthew 24:36 when Jesus says "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son of Man, but only the Father." and continues in verse 42 "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know what day your Lord will come." I've been seeing people's responses from total belief and fear that this will happen to jokes being made that the guy is a whack job of a prophet. I sat here thinking this morning about this. "What if this really occurred on Sunday Michelle? What would you do?" Many things crossed my mind like my Bucket List. Things I'd like to do before I die and yadda yadda yadda. In thinking about what I believe to be truth about the Rapture and the coming of Jesus, I was bathed in peace. If I knew the hour of my death or the outcome of tomorrow would I really live my life differently? While I'm not perfect, I am saved by His grace. Everyday I wake up and I EAT, PRAY and DIE to self. At least I try to DIE daily. If I'm living my life this way then I have nothing to fear. So I came out with the peace that if the rapture really occurred on Sunday I would be going to the BEST PARTY in HEAVEN.

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,
When there are no words, You fill my mouth.
When there is no music, You put a song in my heart.
When there is joy, You set my feet a dancing.
When there is pain, You hold my heart.
When the world is against me, You are for me.
When the rain pours, You put out a rainbow.
When there is no one, You are there.
When there is no same, You are constant.
When there is no love, You pour out.
When there is weakness, You are strong.
When there is brokenness, You are Healer.
When there is offense, You are Defender.
When there are lies, You are truth.
When there is no way, You are the way.
When there is doubt, You are the Rock.
When there is fear, You cast it out.
When there is stillness, You speak.
When there is praise, You are whom it's for.

PDA

Public Display of Affection. This is what my 2 friends, whom are married, were stopped in the local shopping mall for. A sweet husband in his early 40's decided to plant a kiss on his lovely wife when a mall cop came up and told them to stop. Of course they looked confused and asked "why?". The mall cop said "because it offends some people and you can't do PDA in the mall." I heard this story yesterday at church and was absolutely astonished! It took me back to when my middle son was in preschool and was punished for kissing a little girl on the cheek and then accused of Sexual Harassment. I got to thinking about the acronym of PDA...Public Display of Affection. Affection!! Seems to me this world has become sensitive to the good things and desensitive to the bad things. Since when does kissing your spouse in a shopping mall offend someone? Since when does a 4 year olds kiss on the cheek to a person of the opposite sex count as Sexual lHarassment?



We're living in a time where we have a huge violent crime rate among men ages 19-25, a divorce rate of over 50% with that number being the same among those in the church, a rate of depression and eating disorders that beat the statistics of the 80's when they gained "popularity" as well as a host of other addictions such as alcoholism, drugs and sex. Research tells us a lot about the origin of many of these things but there is a common component to them-lack of physical and emotional intimacy and touch. Even nature proves this point. Take a litter of kittens for example. The mother cat will continue to lick and nurse her kittens instinctively and in response the kittens will become healthy and stable adult cats. Occasionally there will be a kitten who for whatever reason will not be offered this attention by it's mother. This kitten will become aggressive, scrawny and very unhealthy. She will fight amongst her littermates and be considered the "outcast" of the litter. This is displayed among all mammals in nature. We're no different.



Our unhealthy attitudes about touch are endangering our health and the health of our families. Fear is the fuel for much of what we see in our laws regarding PDA and Sexual Harassment. Touch is to health as air is to life. You can read astonishing studies and stories about the importance of touch and I would even recommend every human being reading Ashley Montagu's book "Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin". We were created to give and receive healthy touch and affection from the time we're in our mothers womb through the time of our senior years. Our sexuality is misunderstood and has become so perverted to the point where a healthy, loving, married couple can't even exchange a kiss without being coded by an acronym and cast out of a shopping mall. A preschool boy can't kiss the cheek of a preschool girl out of friendship and affection without risk of being a Sexual Offender. Yet we can publicize sex, drugs, homosexuality, violence, indifference, greed, murder, crime and horror on our televisions and in movies without blinking an eye. It just doesn't make any sense to me.



My passion is to help us return to a sense of peace and health when it comes to touch. Without it people die. Without it marriages fail. Children become sexually active at a young age. Young adults will marry out of desperation for intimacy and often marry the wrong person. People begin to have disease. Pain becomes unmanageable. Without touch the world is an unsafe place. I want to help save the world one person at a time and I believe it begins here.